“The art of life isn’t controlling what happens, which is impossible; it’s using what happens.”
Gloria Steinem
A note on the comment left by Helen. For me, staring directly into the losses that come with aging is the same as staring into the abyss that death represents. Each informs me of the preciousness of the here and now once I quit being so afraid of allowing them to transform me. It sounds like you too are consciously appreciating these gifts – the phoenix rising from the ashes!
Last week about this time I saw a picture of Gloria Steinem in the paper. She is coming to town to speak and I was immediately sidetracked into rereading her book “Moving Beyond Words.” Once again, I was struck by all the ways women have been, and are, diminished in our culture. She reminds me, “The most important thing about a female body is not what it does but how it looks. The power lies not within us but in the gaze of the observer.” This cultural message is in the air we breathe.
Her face is almost as familiar to me as my own. Her story has informed mine as I’ve moved through the phases of my life. Let me just say, upon gazing at her face, it was immediately beautiful to me. I saw her radiance before I saw her aging. I saw the gifts of time that come along with its ravages. I saw a powerful presence, fully intelligent as well as fully compassionate. She is strong yet yielding and soft – a perfect balance of masculine and feminine essence. I suddenly realized how hungry I was for an image of an older woman completely inhabiting her body and face.
Ms. Steinem obviously hasn’t cut, pulled or injected poisons into various parts of her body in order to make herself more acceptable. We live in a society that is desperate to hold onto youth to the point where we surgically alter our selves to be acceptable, not only to others, but also to ourselves. Here is a revolution: The Politics of Refusing to Rearrange Our Faces! I’m pretty sure that aging as it is practiced in America (read non-aging) is a feminist issue. Thinking about Gloria Steinem reminds me that the personal challenges of aging cannot be segregated from the social pressures.
In the year 2030 ¼ of women will be over 65. Once again, we are the pioneers and how we define this phase will be a beacon for those who come after us. As a generation of women, we decided when or if we would marry, when or if we would have children and/or work. It is now time to decide how we will age and how we will inspire the generations that follow us. We as a group must re-vision our contribution. It is our turn to step to the head of the line and decide what it means to be old.
As you have aged have you ever dealt with being trivialized? It seems to be a common theme among women of my age. If we do nothing, we WILL be trivialized because that is what has been the lot of aging women in the past. We must know that we are moving against a very strong current and we must do it consciously. The dignity and esteem with which we hold ourselves sets the tone for how we are treated. Oddly, one of the first places I experienced feeling trivialized was with my grown children! Incidents in my family have motivated me to ask myself how do I create respect for who I am? We women must speak of it between ourselves and scour our souls with questions like how do I unconsciously comply with who I’m told I am? Am I apologetic in my demeanor? Just what is my demeanor? Am I congruent in presenting myself to the world as the strong and capable person I have come to be and do I bring this fully realized self to all I encounter? What is needed is a level of self-possession that transcends trying to squeeze myself into the cultural box of old woman.
This road I am traveling WILL excavate my soul of all that is NOT my inner radiance. This is the paradigm shift I am seeking.
